Disability

An hour or two after I finished the skirts for the big adapter plates, Joe came over and told me how I could have made it easier... I could have used my pneumatic sander to put a little bevel on the inside corner of the skirt so it would sit over the bead of paste. "If you can't raise the bridge," says he, "lower the river."

I really loathe that phrase now.

I try not to talk much about my medical issues at work because I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or trying to be special or something. On the other hand, Joe seems to be expecting me to figure stuff out on my own, and that's not something I'm really capable of. The combination of medication, sleep, diet, and sunlight keeps my brain functional, but only just. I can follow orders, assemble parts, do good welding, and stay focused on what I'm doing. Thinking outside the box, on the other hand, is nigh impossible for me.

When people meet me, they assume I'm smart. I'm really not. I'm skilled and I know lots of stuff, but applying that knowledge isn't something I do well. I tend to get stuck on trying to make something work one way, only to find out later that I could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble by approaching the problem from a different angle, like with the skirts. I hate disappointing people, especially my bosses, but at the same time I don't want them to get frustrated every time I fail to solve a problem.

My 90-day review is supposed to be next week. Things I want to discuss include a change in my schedule next month and a pay raise. Wish me luck!